A (Possible) Wrestlemania Live Blog

Monday, 18.17: By my reckoning, Wrestlemania actually finished 14 hours ago, which makes the use of the word 'live' in the title somewhat erroneous. To compensate, I'll be blogging not only on the wrestling I'm watching, but the life around me (small flat, wife watching awful celebrity ice skating TV, sausages cooking). A Wrestlemania/Life Blog, perhaps.

18.19: I press play on the legally obtained video on my computer. It's Wrestlemania. Wrestlemania! Wrestle! Mania! The Wrestlemania-ness of it all is overwhelming. The reception to Fantasia is underwhelming. Well done, universe. You remain in a perfect balance.

18.20: I hate patriotism. Not just the nauseating brand of US patriotism currently being shoved down my throat in this opening video. All patriotism. Hate it all. Except British patriotism.

18.24: Man, every year the introduction video gets more absurdily grandiose, yet still I get the chills. I don't know how they do it. Sausages are cooked.

18.25: I eat a sausage. It is good. My wife tells me to put the laptop down and concentrate on my dinner.

19.07: Let's try again. Tag title match first. Weeeellll....AWESOME....Big Show.

19.14: Rushed, but that was quite fun, especially (perhaps entirely) when Show was doing stuff. Pulling Miz out of the ring, throwing Truth into the post, bumping off the top, punching Morrison out.

19.18: Legacy triple threat next. One thing I like about this card is that there are a bunch of non-title feud matches. Most PPVs usually have one at most. Orton as babyface feels not right. Expecting the Breakdown 98 formula triple threat here.

19.26: I don't like fantasy booking, but it occurs this would have been better as a tag match, where Randy has to find a partner. And in my head, that partner would have been Dustin.

19.36: Predicable story aside, that was actually quite well done. Not much down time, some cool spots as Orton works out how to outsmart two opponents and there is apparently a lot of people that have been waiting a long time to cheer him. I'm glad he's still just doing his old character against heels, rather than turn face in some obvious, cliched way.

19.41: Money in the Bank. Not sure who I think is going to win this. What I do know is that Shelton Benjamin is the most athletically gifted Shelton Benjamin. I'm cheering on Christian.

19.54: I take a perverse amount of pleasure watching dumbass Kingston powerbombed headfirst into the ladder. Don't tell anyone how I live.

20.06: Kofi using the split ladders as stilts, hobbling across the ring, then slowly moving up the two is the most retardedly amusing thing I can remember in a WWE gimmick match.

20.14: Yeah, that was just a Money in the Bank match, and even by those standards, the spots weren't particularly crazy, and the finish was a little anticlimatic. This is a match that needs

20.29: I take a break to test my wife's new iPhone Shazam app. What an age. It got AFI, Phobia, and Akercocke ("Of Menstrual Blood and Semen? Gross"), but did not manage Sisters of Mercy. Or more correctly, it did not identify the right Sisters of Mercy. Ah, those similar bass-lines. Back to the show.

20.59: More distractions. How is Sheamus' first year unprecedented? WWE champion within the 12 months? That's been done. He's not even headlining Wrestlemania, placing him a rung behind Lesnar. He appears to be wrestling a black man. No, wait, that's Triple H.

21.05: Triple H and Sheamus are like night and day, except they wrestle the same minimal mobility weak brawling and resthold style. Triple H and Sheamus are like night and a particularly well-lit night.

21.16: Ugh. If there's an inverse relationship between match quality and how much Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler feel they need to talk afterwards about match quality, then I should note that Lawler says we just witnessed 'a classic'.

21.20: Hey, it's Wrestlemania 26. And I'm 26. I'd never really noticed before. I bet it's always been like that.

21.23: CM Punk is great.

21.25: I will say it again. CM Punk is great.

21.38: Punk vs. Rey was full of nice little moments, both guys laying into their kicks, Rey's moonsault DDT, several long complicated sequences that came off really smooth and all the setups to the 619. Far too short though to tell much of a story. Hopefully a precursor to a great rematch.

22.07: At some point in your life, you realise that you've just been watching one old man beat up an older man slowly for about twenty minutes, for no discernable reason. I guess the idea is that it was supposed to be cathartic to see a one-sided story of revenge, but it got tiring quickly. This didn't have the usual overbooking of a McMahon Wrestlemania match, partially because all the garbage stuff is probably not compatible with Bret's physical health. That said, if anything was crying out for distracting overbooking or people to fight as proxies for the two physically limited guys, it was this match.

22.18: Edge vs. Jericho. As the entrances happen, I check, and yes, I was 19 years old for Wrestlemania 19. When was the last time the Rumble winner actually main evented Wrestlemania, rather than just got a title shot? Answers on a postcard, not to be mailed.

22.42: As you would expect, this was a match with no body, because Edge can't work as a babyface. He can't really work as a heel, but at least his heel persona papers over the gaps. And this is the match you throw in all the gimmickry? - ref bumps, belt shots, multiple improbable kickouts. Even the post match fight used a gimmicked bump high spot, something he wouldn't need if Edge had credible looking offence. Basically, don't help out the old cripple whose at least earned the right for someone to cover for him, but do cover for the perfectly healthy guy who just can't put a match together. Jericho was fine here, he does his usual stuff and schtick (although a little downtuned). I actually liked the finisher theft stuff, for a change, given the build-up story of the spear being Jericho's constant come-uppance.

22.56: Divas take turns to do finishers. I can do maths, so I should be able to work out who wins. Mickie's DDT looked spectacular. Vickie pulls out the Malenko frogsplash. Points for getting that joke.

22.58: And they are actually going to main event with HBK and Taker.

23.02: This show needs to two great main events. By the way, I was seven during Wrestlemania 7. Curiouser and curiouser.

23.31: The wife has gone to sleep next to me, so I am typing less. Cena vs. Batista was no great surprise. It had the selling of a heavyweight clash, which I liked, and then the predicable counters of finishers which is fine, but not particularly exciting. Thought Cena's selling of the neck left a lot to be desired. On the other hand, I enjoyed Cena laughing his ass off with the pathetic-looking Cena haters.

Tuesday, 00.14: I will need to watch the main event again, but here are my initial thoughts. Firstly, this was clearly superior to last years effort. Last year's match has three sections. Ten minutes of meaningless mat stuff, the dives, the finisher stretch and selling. This might have been Taker's greatest performance, his selling both of the leg and of fatigue were incredible. The opening exchanges starting really energetically and felt meaningful - both going for weaknesses and fighting for positions. Possibly HBKs best performance since returning in 2002 as well, I can't really find fault with it. He's not the seller that Taker is, but his early stuff was really focused and believable, he was not afraid to bump all over and the moonsault spot was crazy. I'm glad they didn't repeat last year's dive section, opting instead to tease it and work in new spots. The final stretch became finishers and they probably stretched it out too long, but in the context I didn't really care. Main event of the biggest show of the year, leading to a retirement storyline permits you to stretch believability a little more than usual.

My major point about the match last year was that they more or less coasted on the vast resources given to the match - the buildup, the atmosphere, the time and the booking - and didn't create anything truly exceptional. I didn't feel that here. There was a strong sense of a real battle, a tremendous performance by Taker, and the feeling that the various elements came together as a gradual escalation than the preliminary section-dives-finishers layout of last year.

00.46: Time for sleep. Overall, a fairly middle of the road show, with just one excellent match. That said, I'll probably always watch Wrestlemania. I'll be there, watching Wrestlemania 80; God only knows how old I'll be then. Night.