A (Possible) Wrestlemania 27 live blog

Monday 4th April, 7.43pm: Everyone on the social networks seems to be adamantly trying to lower my expectations (mostly about this Wrestlemania show, but also overall with this life), but as ever I am filled with a childish excitement and my spirits can not be dampened.

7.45pm: The Rock! Is here! And his music!

7.54pm: He talks and leads the crowd in some chanting. Meanwhile, someone in the crowd has a Wrestle Maina sign. I am excited by near-impossible illiteracy.

8.00pm: Atlanta! Wrestlemania! Rock! The People! (and repeat)

8.04pm: The world heavyweight title match with the Royal Rumble winner is the opening match and Christian is booked to stand in a corner. Many people would have their spirits dampened by these decisions. Not me. I am just looking forward to an Edge match.

8.23pm: There's a lot of Edge criticism in the parts of the Internet I frequent, but really there are just two problems with his work - his offence, and all the things he does when he's not on offence. Meanwhile, Alberto Del Rios works a very smart, simple match around these limitations, and I end up enjoying what he does. The last few minutes with the Christian-Brodus Clay exchange were the best part. I'd quite like to see that match. I didn't like Edge coming close to a submission victory without any build-up to it, nor the business-exposing escape from it.

8.27pm: The Rolls Royce no-sells Edge's terrible offence.

8.35pm: Michael Cole's special protective booth is hilarious. Cole taunting King from behind it is hilarious. King calling Cole a moron is hilarious.

8.37pm: My guess for Rey's superhero costume is Hit Girl.

8.52pm: Sort of a weird match. It felt kind of disjointed for most of it, with each guy doing some nice stuff, but not much flow. They trade protective medical gear - Rey headbutts Cody Rhodes with the face mask, then Cody clocks Rey with the knee brace, which is an interesting finish because it feels like justifiable rule-breaking after Rey went there first. I wasn't sure how they were supposed to be playing Cody's injury - he loses the mask, but doesn't sell the kicks to the face like the major damage you might expect. Of course, they could be doing an Eddy Guererro arm injury thing, but that would be weird given that Cody is supposed to be narcissist who presumably wouldn't wear that ugly mask just to gain an advantage.

8.53pm: Of course, it is theoretically possible to overthink professional wrestling.

8.54pm: And it's time for the annual frustrated comedy writers segment, with Snoop Dogg and Teddy Long auditioning talent for Snoop's tour. It's always embarrassing when black guys pretend to be black. OK, Zack Ryder singing 'Friday' makes me actually laugh out loud, but then I'm very into the Zack Ryder character.

9.10pm: Eight man tag is quick. Big Show looked great, charging around and bumping and punched a guy out, so that'll do me.

9.15pm: Ah, time for a break because the wife wants to finish this season of 30 Rock.

11.34pm: Randy Orton (with giant meaningless cube) vs. CM Punk is next.

11.54pm: Yeah, I really kind of liked that. Borders on being a one-man show, Punk demolishes Orton's leg and does Punk stuff (awesome laughing at Orton when his leg buckles on the run up to the punt, and the look of his face after he dodges the RKO is perfect - a mix of shock and delight at his own quick thinking), but Orton sold it all well and held up his end. Finish was predictable, but other than that, a good match.

Tuesday 5th April, 12.05pm: Cole looks like such a faggoty homosexual gay in his ring gear, but obviously I don't mean that in the way you might take it.

12.22pm: I was kind of hoping Lawler's first Mania match might have been a bit better - it's starts really good, watching Cole being pulled face first into his protective glass booth over and over had me giggling in delight, but the middle was too long and Lawler didn't need to sell for Cole that much. I was hoping for a piledriver, but the dropkick absolutely connected. Austin's involvement added to the fun - there's a moment where Swagger touches him, and you hear the whole crowd, as one, say 'stunner'.

12.44am: This Mark Collie song is so cool.

12.49am: This Triple H entrance is so absurd.

12.53am: This Johnny Cash song is so cool. However, with all this buildup, it now feel's like there hasn't been any wrestling since, I think, when Taker was 14-0.

1.26am: There were parts of this match that I liked. The story of Taker refusing to lose and his selljob and HHH's frustration were well done. It was also far too long, and the finisher series was not exactly imaginative - ten minutes of a move, a near fall, and surprised look, and repeat doesn't really inspire me. I've said it before, and I stick to it - I like a match that does a lot with very little than a match that does just enough when the wrestlers are given so many extra resources (table bumps, no DQ, finisher theft spots, almost an hour of air time).

1.37am: What the fuck is a Snooki?

1.45am: The main event does not have the big match feel. Actually, it kind of has the SD main event feel. It was mostly fine and all, with a tendency towards overbooking at the end. Miz wasn't even benefitting from Cena's usual PPV heat, it basically feels like the crowd don't like Cena, but also don't like Miz, and as a result don't really get into anything. I just about convinced myself that the finish makes sense. I mean, I don't really know what Rock would have done to stop Cena winning if there hadn't been a restart for him to introduce the no DQ rule, but whatever.

1.49am: It's late and I have tired of typing and, to an extent this show. But yet I am still filled with childish excitement. I win, expectation lowerers.

1.50am: The Rock! Poses to close the show! And his music!